Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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