I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
