Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
