Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
