all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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