Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
