I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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