Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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