Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
