I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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