we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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