No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
