I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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