Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
