I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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