I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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