meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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