this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
