her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize