its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
