You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
