i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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