Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
