wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't deserve a penis
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize