his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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