oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
