If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I checked into jail on foursquare
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
