I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
