We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
