you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
