I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
