My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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