Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Floor bacon is actually really good
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
