Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
