HIV tests are more positive than that guy
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
