took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Couch. On fire.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
