The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
