she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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