I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
