Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
