His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
