are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
