and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
