I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
are you so shy because you have an std?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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