it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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