he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
