she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
