You're my little dorito
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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