i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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