If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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