I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
