oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
