Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
