She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
COCAINE IS GR8
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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