Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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