Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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