They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
