MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
