Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
