bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
