I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
