Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
