I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
