Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
